The Year You Walked Into My Life

Dear Baby,

I call you baby, of course, not because I am condescending you or patronizing you, but because you are so precious to me, so near and dear, it is almost as if you are as precious as a newborn child. My baby. It is very difficult to not say, "I love you," as I am used to it following when I say out loud, "my baby."

Today marks a year since you walked into my house; On a Sunday. Three Hundred and Sixty-Five days ago. The Lord answered my prayers as stated two blogs previous. Today is February 24th, as is the day you walked into my life. A day that will change my life forever. February 24th.

The circumstances surrounding our getting together were great.

The circumstances surrounding our dating have been great.

The circumstances and situations we have overcome have been great.

By great I mean large, and by large I mean extensive and powerful, sometimes overwhelming.

I'm reminded of the verse, "God will not give you more than you are able to handle." Somethingsomething Number:number SJV (Steven James Version)

All this to say, Praise God Praise God, I am so thankful for you!

I am encouraged, because things have been so good lately, and because we have overcome so many trials, and we are thriving because of God, that we will last! And truly have a beautiful, and surprising relationship.

We can always gauge things in our life based on, "are we better off than when we started." We know by this that we are progressing instead of regressing.

Our relationship hasn't always been exactly what either of us has imagined, yes, and it surely has not been what we both idealized when it started, but I wouldn't change a second of it. We have grown together, and deeper, than I honestly thought possible in a year. Think of how different we both are and how we are benefiting and increasing in faith, health, style, maturity, patience, and love... all because of each other! Truly amazing! And so so beautiful!

I find no more beautiful thing in life, than the work that God does in the lives of people by using other people. So I can say with full confidence, God has done a work in both of us for the better! Because we are both better off than when we started this meandrous journey.

For all these reasons, I have more than ever, trust in God, and thereby more trust in you and the fact that I will end up being your husband, and more peace and assurance, than I have EVER had in our relationship up to this point!

I pray we continue to press in to Him, continue to grow and stretch each other, and continue to thrive until the day Jesus calls us home to each other, and then home to Himself.

Allyson Rebecka, I love you; nay, I ADORE you. You are my pride, my light, and my life. You are and will always be the greatest gift I have ever been given.

I can't wait to live with you.

Yours always,

Steven James

Shock and Awe

There has been two months that have gone by since I last wrote: To the day. I could speak for hours about the chaos and seemingly endless craziness about our relationship and romance. A lot of which I can't even wrap my head around most of the time. 

This will be short.

This verse has been running through my head all day.
Proverbs 18:22 says. "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD."

I can't exactly call you my wife, but you are the only prospect I see, and I will continually put all my preverbal "eggs into this basket." And PRAY TO GOD that He grants me the luxury of ending up with you. But all day long, and yesterday, and the day before... I have been thinking about the favor and blessing that you have been in my life. ...Endless amounts of blessing and encouragement, and making up for every sad and fearful thing that this dying planet could throw at a man. You have, and continue to make up for them all.

I just spent a majority of my day and time rewatching the last season of 'The Office.' In which the solid relationship of the main two protagonists was tested and written beautifully. And I was reminded, the reason I love watching that show isn't just for the humor, it's because it inspires me, and gives me hope… to dream… to love… and to believe in romance. 

Despite whatever circumstances come our way, I always… ALWAYS want to romance you and live in the reality that we can produce and make our life worth living. Something that amounts to our ideals and meets our expectations. I know I will fail, but I can promise you, with God's help, I will always continue to try to see our dreams become reality on this earth. I want to live this life properly, with no regrets, and living to the extent of our imaginations.

See, you have no idea, (maybe somewhat) of how much you are everything I have ever wanted. I do not exaggerate when I say you daily remind me of the person I have dreamt of, my whole life. It's as if I have known you for a long time, and the last four months have just been me in a constant state of shock and awe as I watch you exist and thank our Lord for the gift He has brought to me. All this to say, I feel like my feelings and my head, are still catching up to the amazingness that is before me, which is you.

In the second to last episode of 'The Office,' Jim said this…

"No matter what happens, you've got to forget about all the other stuff, you've got to forget about logic, and fear and doubt, you've just got to do everything you can to get to the one woman who's going to make all of this worth it, …at the end of the day, you gotta jump."

I want to jump with you, Allyson.  

Happy 4 Months.

I love you dearly.

Yours,

Steven

The Circumstances In Which I Began To Date Ally Twitchell

The first time I heard her name was when my friend told me that there is a pretty girl named "Ally," who he began to start liking. He told me how much she had seemed to grow in her relationship with God over the time he had known her, which at that time wasn't that long. He told me she liked movies, and had a cool sense of style and he liked how she dressed. We immediately Instagram stalked her, looking her up so I could judge just how pretty she was, which ended up being very much. Secretly, for a few years up to this moment, I had been asking God specifically, that the name of the person I would marry would have that same name, "Ally." So, because of this, any time I heard the name Ally, my eyes and ears perked up a bit; which lead me to this moment of my friend talking about her, to which I begrudgingly congratulated my friend on his "find." It was January 25th; This was the first time, to my knowledge, I had ever become aware of her existence.

In hindsight, this is ironic. I had just spent the past week literally, not figuratively, crying and feeling more alone than ever. Why? Because it was my birthday five days before this. People say "The Holidays" is the time of the year that lonely people become lonelier, because of warmth in the season they evaluate the gaps and holes in their personal lives; For me this was never true, it was my birthday that became a time of contemplation. Each year marked a passing in age and time that culminated to this single day. I'd normally spend my birthday, that day that most people LOVE to celebrate, sulking and questioning; "Why haven't I had success in this area of my life, in dating?" "Why am I still alone when all I've ever wanted as long as I can remember is to not be alone?" "Why did you create me to be a romantic and then not bring me someone to be romantic with?"--I'd spend the day in misery wondering if time would just keep slipping, if years would just continue to escape me as I grew older and older and older… If you ask my family, they know I hate my birthday. When each year comes, they always ask, "Why do you hate your birthday?" And I would always give them some reason that dismissed them as quickly as possible, that was never the real reason… How could I tell this people group, my family, who wanted so badly to celebrate me and show me that they loved me, wasn't good enough to fill this void that was all-the-more increasing? So they still don't know. I'm Twenty-Six now… they still don't know the real reason I have hated my birthdays for so long, (and I don't think I'll ever tell them, it's extremely personal for me); was because no matter how hard I tried, no matter how hard I loved God and put Him first, no matter how many friends I had, no matter how much my family was staring straight at me adoringly, …the one person who mattered most to me, the one who I wanted adoring me, didn't yet exist in my life, and each year came and went with contemplativeness and inquisition and my loneliness destroyed me further, taking pieces of me along the way. 

Have no fear. These pieces are now being restored slowly and surely. Praise God. 

To understand just how important Ally is to me, you have to know something about my past… The first thing you should know is that I have always been a romantic… Overly so. I have always wanted to get lost in romance, somehow, someway… No one I had ever encountered could line up with that idealism though. No one could ever come alongside me and accompany me in my romanticism. The second thing is that in the attempts that I did make to try to go down that road, it ended up being completely miserable, so me and whoever-it-was, ended up going down different roads entirely, thus leaving me more shattered and broken than I previously was. Over and over this happened, again and again; mistake after mistake. I was stupid. I still am stupid, just less stupid than I was before. But eventually I found my worth in God, and I moved on. But then there came this incessant question of; "When is this enigmatic promise going to be fulfilled?"--That man was not meant to be alone… Well I sure felt alone, and each new birthday was a reminder of that. So it was January 25th, my friend and I were at In-N-Out because… it's awesome, and I had just heard Ally Twitchell's name for the first time and seen her picture. She looked familiar to me, but I dismissed it and her, and the hope of meeting the right person named, "Ally"… and tried to continue to hold to God's promise that I would not be alone. 

The second time I had heard her name was also the day I met her. I had come home from seeing the new Die Hard, (uhhh…) And it also happened to be the night of the Oscars, my sister had invited some people over, and she said, "I also invited this girl named, Ally, over, who I know from school," I asked, "Twitchell?" Then my sister replied, "Yep," I said, "I've heard about her." The date was February 24th. The first time I saw her in person since I became aware of her existence was when she came over to watch the Oscars at my house later that night, she was a vision--She was very beautiful as if someone who I had never met was someone I had known before, whom I had actually missed beholding; a sight for sore eyes. ...Time passed, and she started attending my bible study… she got involved with our friend group, we started talking more and more one on one, we realized we were both awesome human beings and felt that special pull toward one another, after a month of prayer and agonizingly impatient waiting (for me), a talk with her wonderful father, and a really phenomenal CVS visit, we began officially dating on June 3rd, 2013.

I have been recounting these things today in my mind, and I came upon two things that prompted me to sit down and write/type all of this out. 

The first is that: God's timing is perfect. 

I never believed that until this relationship. Maybe it is because I finally am lined up or submitted to Him enough to be in God's will for my life, maybe He just decided to bless me… but looking back on the outstanding circumstances that lead to the fact that this amazing woman is now in my life, I can't help but glorify God, because it is that good. It is seemingly too perfect. I have never encountered something so strong, so overwhelmingly powerful, and beautifully simple… in all of my life. That, to me, is how you gauge God's hand is on something and that His will is genuinely taking place in your life. It was as if, all circumstances, even the smallest details and paralyzing worries that one could have, all came together and then were put to rest. A complete, whole, and ordered peace; and that peace has increased with each new day for Ally and myself since the initiation of it. 

I was thinking today just how funny it is that I am sitting here in the latter part of my twenties and I am dating someone who barely just began her twenties. She hasn't even experienced the over half of a decade that I have already experienced. And for her there will be much to come… but for me, my twenties are coming to a close. (How I wish her and I were the same age so we could endure the similarities of life together as it comes!) And as usual, I couldn't help but ask God, "Why?" "Why is there such an age gap?" To that there are many answers… But I was reminded of something she said to me once that she put so astutely, "God brought me to you as quickly as He could." How true this was! Before we met, she was in a place of maturing and rapid growth, and I was in a place of refining and humbling, so when we met, it was like these worlds were not colliding for the wear, but more conjoining for the purpose of God. He began making things new and beautiful again for both of our individual lives but now we were proceeding together and we didn't have to do it alone; And for me it was finally granting my prayers and sorrowful supplications their requests, and bringing about that perfect peace to earth. I don't think it could have been more perfect. I don't think I could have met her any earlier in my life or her earlier in her life. It was almost as if God knew what He was doing all along. Ally and I both have talked and agreed that if we had just submitted ourselves to His will earlier that we probably could have met a few years sooner. I am just ecstatic that she is here now. God has done above and beyond what I could ever ask or think. 

The second is that: We have an enemy.

For as perfect as it really is, when we look at the sweetness that is our relationship and look at it from the perspective of Christ and the surprising situations surrounding us on a daily basis, and how well our personalities mesh, and interests, etcetera etcetera… It still takes work, and there have been ups and downs. Don't get me wrong, daily I am beyond thankful, but also daily I am subject to the flesh as much as I am to the spirit, and sometimes I cater to one more than the other, as does she… and our perfection, that both her and I see, becomes unbalanced. The reason it continues to work, is because Ally and I continue to see the beauty, we are both created that way, and we both know that this is it, and so we fight for what God has brought to us. But our lows have made us increasingly more aware of how the enemy loves to come to steal, kill, and destroy. I can't help but think of the beauty in Eden, not only was it His new creation, but it was a place where His glory dwelt on earth! How beautiful! And the enemy came to steal, kill, and destroy it, and rob it of it's beauty. Well here, to my knowledge, we have the same thing, something of great beauty, and we have noticed it being attacked at times, whether if it's the enemy, or just our flesh, and we are just an enemy to ourselves, it has been attacked, and we've had to press into God further as a couple because of it, which has really only made us stronger. I can confidently say that, that is what we will continue to do as we both move forward in our relationship, because we both have the same desire to know God and to move closer to Him. 

There is a final thought I would like to jot down. There are many more occurrences and circumstances surrounding Ally and I getting together in the beginning that lead to us now dating, many of which her and I have discussed on multiple occasions, which we consider amazing and pretty fantastic. I was also thinking about miracles today, and how often we don't see miracles in this day and age, (in this country, in this culture) and there are debatable reasons behind that… But I personally believe there are miracles to those who want to see them, and if you choose to seek them out, to look for the good in your life, rather than sulking like I have done in my past, then you will see them. For example, I once told somebody all the things that I felt were amazing about Ally and I coming to be together, and how much I felt God's hand on it, and his response was, and I quote, "I have heard many amazing things, and what you told me by no means do I consider amazing." Boy, did that piss me off.--So here is my long delayed response to that somebody…;--Just as someone who is blind has never seen, when that blind man finally see's, the smallest and most minuscule things, that we take for granted, are a miracle to that blind man. So, to me, a man who has never seen any of his relationships work in his life, who has never had his ideals met, who has never encountered peace from God when pursuing someone, who has never had anything happen to him this good… and perfect… and true… ever. 

My relationship with Allyson Rebecka Twitchell is a f***ing miracle. And it is amazing. 

- Steven

I love you, Ally! It has been a truly blessed two months being your boyfriend! To many more months, and years, and forevers.

Know I'm always just at the second star to the right, and down the rabbit hole.

You are the key.

I am yours. Praise God. Praise God.

Boy Meets World

There are so many distractions. In a day. We can be distracted by anything that keeps us from the main purpose.

Well what if we are unclear of the main purpose. What if even your main purpose was a distraction?

Each moment we live is a moment unlike any other. That we can never get back. Ever. I hate admitting it because it's cliche. I grew up knowing that fact. But I will spend the rest of my life understanding that fact.

It just started raining. I spent the latter half of the day asleep. Because I have been sick. So I slept from Six at night to Eleven. It is now Three in the morning. I have to go to work in three hours. And all I can think about is how I wasted my night.

I wish my body didn't need restoration. I wish I could push myself to the point of where I can not break. Truth be told, every aspect of who I am is constantly on the verge of breaking. One of the saddest and strangest facts to me is that I will never be able to go to my limit, because my goal is too high for myself. I set a standard that is immortal and eternal. I blame it on The Christ, because He's made a way to achieve it. But it's the fact that I consider death as but a slight hinderance to achieving the true goal that I get saddened when my physical, mental, and psychological limits that are too high, when I constantly break down.

See, every one of us, I know this for a fact, because eternity is set on our hearts, wants to make something of ourselves. I, more than anyone have wanted to. Again it's something I hate to admit because I think it's vain and prideful.

I grew up watching this show called Boy Meets World. Now I recently started re-watching it. The sheer morality and goodness of the show is something I overlooked when I was younger because I was raised to be moral and good. But it is now something I look back on and cherish. The show is an outstanding example of morality mixed with innocence and laughter. I didn't realize 'till now how much that show affected my mentality, even now as an up and coming adult. It has a large part of my heart, so much so that if you ever wanted to see my heart you could just watch the show and understand me perfectly.

I almost regret spending the time watching it. It, after all, is just a television program. How much time I've spent, watching countless hours of television, idealizing what life should be like when I am not living it for myself. Have I wasted my time watching it? And all these years striving to be as moral as the heart of the show? I would have to say not...., because I believe it's made me better, like many things I could regret in my life have.... But it does make a guy think.

Being raised with scripture on the walls of my home, a kind hearted pastor for a father, and Boy Meets World has made for an interesting human, I assure you. There are many other aspects to who I am, these are just larger parts.

Anywho, I mentioned it started to rain. I walked outside of my room to brush my teeth, and I heard the rain falling on the skylight... that is now a moonlight on the condensed section of roof where it resides. And the house was quiet and peaceful. All I heard was the rain, and peace and quiet. I cherish these moments because of the boisterousness of life I've grown to have disdain toward.

But as I was thinking of all the aforementioned notoriety, and as I stopped to listen to the rain, I was overcome with that previous thought, about wanting to leave a mark on the world.

I figured, I could just continue to do nothing. Watch television, sleep, eat. Nothing of use. Or I could take the next fifteen minutes to write this. A simple gesture of my heart. A small effort in the history of attempting achieving grandeur.

And I came up with this; The difference between making an impact, or not at all, is just doing something. Anything. It's just trying.

A little effort can go a long way. And a larger effort can change peoples lives. Just like the writers and producers of the show, Boy Meets World, has changed and impacted mine.

In the end. I am just thankful for God. His usage and hand on the lives of men, to be inspiring enough to make men move and attempt at things, instead of being lazy. To dare, and to try. To display the inclinations and morality of His heart to the world, even if it is without their knowledge. All it takes is somebody doing something they believe in. Amen.

YEAR OF THE BIBLE

I read this article written on February 3, in 1983, from president Ronald Reagan. In which he declares the year, 1983, as the year of the bible. The summation of it speaks of how the United States was based off of the bible and it's truths, then near the end says this excerpt.

"Now, therefore, I, Ronald Reagan, President of the United States of America, in recognition of the contributions and influence of the Bible on our Republic and our people, do hereby proclaim 1983 the Year of the Bible in the United States. I encourage all citizens, each in his or her own way, to reexamine and rediscover its priceless and timeless message."

Earlier in the letter he also quoted Abraham Lincoln, saying, the bible is... "the best gift God has ever given to man... But for it we could not know right from wrong."

My heart and mind are in agreement with both presidents, of course. I wish more people, whether they're in America or not, would do this very thing. Reconsider the message of the gospel, or consider it for the first time.

A DREAM I JUST HAD

It's 6:58 AM, I do not want to be awake right now. I just had a dream.

It was a glimpse at the end times. It mainly took place in my city, because it is what I know and am familiar with.

It wasn't completely accurate because it didn't go over everything. It wasn't an actual vision of it... maybe it was I don't know. It focused on the hearts of men and the deceit the antichrist tells them to win their approval.

It started with Jesus leaving. The church was gone, I only knew this because I had a sense of it. I did not see the rapture, the people who were left behind... simply could've cared less. They dismissed it... and only cared about themselves. But some wondered as to what happened.

The antichrist moved quickly on the hearts of men.... wearing white. He said, he had an answer for the reason why the people were missing. He promised to rescue the people from their confusion and set everything straight.

He promised clarity of the bible, he promised clarity of truth, this repulsed me because he clearly was a fake and NOT truth. He promised men hope... and an understanding. A gaining of knowledge through what he would tell them.

He told them to join all they would have to do was give up their life.... by this he meant their soul... they took a mark... It wasn't a barcode like everyone thinks... or really anything... I don't know what it was... But in my dream for the sake of imagery. They all started wearing red. Red cloaks... The poor wore tattered red cloaks, as the richer wore more scarlet made of fine fabrics.

As soon as they agreed to it... He handed them this new.... "bible." They called it the bible because that's what they thought it was... to them, in no way was it different to what we read and have today... to THEM. Which makes me think most non believers today wouldn't see any difference between our sacred word of God... and a common cult book... all truth is relative anyway right? This sole fact is what satan moved on. Relative truth. Post modern culture. He used that as a tool to manipulate the hearts of man to win them to his way and himself. And please believe me when I say. This book that was handed to them... the way they so easily took to it, blows out of the water the way we see people are deceived today through cults and different religions.

This was not a dream that focused on God's wrath, I saw none of that. It was solely focused on the hearts of man and the lies they fell in to. The rampage the antichrist would feed them. I honestly could not believe how easily he persuaded them. It was disgusting.

The next part of the dream. An overshot of my city... Everyone walking in red. They were all marked. Some of them were... and didn't know why.. they almost walked around in circles as someone crying out for desperation, in help, but... they didn't know why they needed help. Others understood what was happening and there were guards "containing" them, making them public examples of what NOT to do. Others walked forward, you could see the people... not all, but the people who were walking forward were all going in one direction.

I was caught up with them... Walking forward in their midst... we started to go up a hill... I heard two men talking to my left. Both wearing red, one person was unsure about what was happening. The other sort of comforted him telling him, "My whole life it never made sense, but finally this man (the antichrist) has placed all the religions into one. I never knew what to believe, but who would've thought that believing was simply believing whatever you believed." I tell you the truth (in hindsight) satan BANKS on this. Today we can see how easily people could believe this. You know it to be true. This....... This is what bothered me........ this is why I woke up to write it down, when I cherish sleep more than anything. (That blessed gift of God) I was so... shocked... and awed... and worried for these people... I couldn't do anything about it. I watched them fall into the lie... knowing the truth. I couldn't help them. Here's the kicker. The lie they believed is EXACTLY what people are believing TODAY. My heart is heavy as I write this. I never knew that one of the reasons we need to act now and spread the truth is because when we are there... knowing the truth... and being saved from it all... how we will still see the people who are falling into the lie... and the amount of compassion from that perspective will affect us until the day things are set right. This part of my dream is when I realized and started to think, the gap between truth and lies is shorter than we think. We look to the end days as far off. But the way people reason with each other today... and so easily believe what they're told, often times the next best thing that makes sense to them, is the way satan moves on people... today and in the end times. Jesus is the only truth. If that is all you know, make it the only thing you know, because it's the only thing that matters. The only thing that saves.

This next part I will never forget. There he was... the antichrist himself, wearing white, walking amongst the people. Swiftly. Very swiftly. Each step was significantly more than the next. People turned to acknowledge him.. Some were excited. Not all. Only his true followers. He dashed through the crowd. Half smiling and tipping his head to people in return. This man was loved. We walked as the bible says "like a roaring lion, seeking to devour." Except his devouring looked like talking and smiling. And his talking brought this false peace. When he would talk to someone, using an idea of relativism for example... (as if you can imagine two people sitting down for coffee, exchanging ideas and opinions but the conversation was left empty because neither one of those people would change their minds or opinions for anything in the world)... The antichrist used this kind of stubbornness and lack of compromise to his advantage. He told them that believing your opinion.. or ideas, was believing in something and if they believed in something they believed in this... "movement."

The next part... as I walked up this hill with the people... There was a man, not wearing red. The antichrist walked right up to him. Put his arm around the man, who looked lost... He told him about this "movement." He told him he could help and rescue him from whatever he was feeling, pulling him away from confusion. (VERY similar to the promises the church makes to people today which is why people bought into it, because they heard it from the church for so long, that they finally decided this works for them, they were familiar with it) Pulled out a "bible," put it in the mans hands, put a red cloak around him, and he was marked before my eyes. His days were now numbered. Then the antichrist turned and stomped off... again very swiftly. This was incredible. The easiness it took for him to persuade someone into his thinking.

We got up to the top of the hill and this is when I was so disturbed and overcome by the magnitude of it all, I woke myself up from the dream. Right as we got to the top. What was at the top was unimportant. It was just a gathering of people. All lead to listen to a liar and die a tragic death.

I leave you with this. These words do not do it justice. If you have a heart for the lost, for people... this may move you. If you don't understand the deceptions of today, and you don't understand the gospel, this will mean nothing to you.

We are close.

IN THE WORDS OF JASON THE PROPHET

If you’re having a hard time letting your guard down and trusting Him completely, do one thing, spend time with Him. The more you know Him the more you’ll be able to trust Him. Give Him space. The more you know Him, the more you trust Him, and the more you trust Him, the more you will love Him.

God will only take us as far as we’re willing to go. What do you think God will do when you give yourself up, and let Him take control? It is worth it, you’ll get to know your God in ways you could’ve never known Him before. Your shield and protector, you’re strength when you’ve had none, etc. Allow God to push you out.

What we choose right now will affect us for the rest of eternity. How far and deep do you want to go and how much do you want to be used?

For the intimacy that He has for us is great! He desires so much intimacy with us that we can’t fathom it. He wants the same intimacy that the son has with the Father , one that we can never know. Never in the history of the world has there been a connection like that.

This is why we can not depend on feelings, because the devil can control them, and come in and say, “God isn’t with you,” “Where is God?” But guess what, God is a reality! He is always with us! We just have to believe it and know it, and then follow it, not trusting what our heads may tell us, but believe what God has for us. And we will overcome. With no emotionalism.

When we are in that fellowship, we enjoy everything greater. To a greater degree! Rejoice in Him and what He’s doing, and give Him space to work.

Paul boiled it down to one thing, as did David, that he may know Him, that I may dwell in the house of God forever. Not religion, not rules and regulations, and church, it boils down to knowing Him.